Jon Shoemaker » Question

Transmitted in Sap Where Available

Jon Shoemaker — Sat, 11 Nov 2006 23:50:41 +0000

I used to drive a Cadillac. Grandpa died, and I took his Cadillac. It was great. A 1990 Cadillac Fleetwood pimped out with running-boards, power everything, a car phone, even had a gold-package on it. See, Grandpa worked for Cadillac, so naturally he deserved the best. When he died and I was sixteen, it was clearly recognized that I then deserved the best. Well, turns out that Cadillac was more man then I could handle. It took 91-Octane gasoline and got a stellar fourteen miles-per-gallon. I sold it to some Vaquero and took my fathers 1999 GMC Sonoma. Again, like Grandpa practically threw his car at me when he died, my father put his car keys in my hand when he realized I was without a car.

The past two summers I have worked at Quaker Meadow Christian Camp. While I work up there, my Sonoma would sit high up in the Sequoias with me. Giant Sequoia trees produce a little something I like to call “sap.” It is like the mating juice of the trees or something like that. Anyways, this viscous sap would cake on my truck and sit there for months. After sitting on the paint for so long, there is no hope of getting it off. Now I have two summers worth of tree juice still plastered on my car.

This afternoon I gave my truck a good wash - but it is so unsatisfying when no matter what I do, the hood and roof of the car are still covered with little spots of sap. I am thinking that my best bet is going to be having the car sanded down and repainted. But I thought I would try anyway: does anyone have a genius idea of how to remove sap from a car? And if not, does anyone know a good paint shop?

The Gym Parking

Jon Shoemaker — Thu, 26 Jan 2006 07:18:03 +0000

There is something very ironic to me about going to the gym and parking. Typically at 9 in the morning when I go, all the mom’s have just dropped off their kids and go to the gym for a workout. In front of the gym, parking is full, but the lot extends around the side of the gym where there is plenty of parking. So if people are going to the gym to get in better shape, why is it so important to circle the lot and wait for a parking spot to open up as close to the entrance as possible?

The iGod

Jon Shoemaker — Thu, 27 Oct 2005 19:27:49 +0000

With the tremendous success of the iPod, it is no wonder that so many third party designers have jumped on for the ride by designing bells and whistles to improve the personal audio player (like that is possible). Christian’s are particularly good at making corny puns and making money (for Jesus).

Now introducing the iBelieve.

So who is bigger, the iPod or Jesus?

Every believer needs a crucifix iPod or will suffer eternal separation from God (or is it iGod?) for worshiping another deity, the iPod, even if it does play video.

The Indecipherable Autobiography

Jon Shoemaker — Fri, 30 Sep 2005 22:36:25 +0000

Here is a little good news for all you book-worms out there: Fantasia Barrino, the winner of American Idol Season 3, is releasing a book today! Entitled “Life is Not a Fairy Tale,” Fantasia tells her entire life story - from struggle to success

“The more people say you can’t, the more you can. The more they talk negatively, the more you fight. You have to think about bettering your life and go after it. I don’t care what you got to do. You only have one life to live, so do your thing.” -Life is Not a Fairy Tale

In this captivating autobiography, Fantasia reveals for the first time that she is illiterate - a secret not even American Idol producers knew.

So if she is illiterate, who wrote the book?