Jon Shoemaker

I have written before about my struggle to maintain my weight, and my solution to it. However, since my job has taken over my life, and fast food has suddenly become much more of a necessity to live indulgence, I have consequently gained about ten pounds.

If I were to resort to my previous weight loss program, I would blame girls for not being pretty enough to make me starve myself. But I am going to be the bigger person here and just blame myself for my problem. That is right Lindsay Lohan, I am accountable for my actions. Before I can lose any weight I must first admit I have a problem:

I hereby publicly admit I have some sort of problem, which is personal, and would rather not talk about, but know I have a problem. Check. Honesty here is key - you have to be true to yourself.

Next I need to isolate why I am gaining weight:

I am not throwing up enough. Check.

Now I need a solution:

Purge more. If I feel guilty, like purging is a problem anyway, but if I do feel guilty, I can always have my roommates poison my food. Thus inducing projectile, calorie cutting vomiting.

All these new-age diets are fads. Cut the carbs? Yeah right, you have to cut my heart out first. Increase protein intake? Sure, I’ll support the cruelty of farm raised chickens. I mean, read this and tell me I should eat more chickens:

Chickens are precocious birds. Mother hens actually cluck to their unborn chicks, who chirp back to their mothers and to one another from within their shells!

Source: GoVeg.com

Bulimia is the diet that transcends time, and it is a shame that our culture has come to look down upon the one sure way to lose weight, calling it a “disease.” And we wonder why obesity in America is at an all time high?

I expect to see results in the next few days.